Fucking Fucking fucking fucking fucking Fucking fucking.
(translation/paraphrased: The accursed intercourse of the town called Fucking is disrupting the accursed intercourse of the town called fucking.)
I want to beat "Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo." and if there's anyone that can swear profusely, its the Irish.
- Is this a valid sentence?
-
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.1)
witterson- February 6th, 6:12
- When Irish eyes are smiling...
-
- witterson
- April 30th, 2010
...you don't even notice them because in my case, my fucked up grill is so dark, even light cannot escape the stains of my teeth. I'm getting mine whitened today. It'll take ages despite the lying fuckers calling it "Immediate", and my dentistry is too bad to fire the "laser beam". I'm doing this for three reasons:- I'm sick of looking like the photo-negative of Samuel L Jackson in Pulp Fiction; a tight mini-'fro, really white skin and dark as shit teeth.
- I know how much the yanks prize pearly white gnashers, at least that's the excuse the freemasons use for putting fluoride in the drinking water. Given that there are far too many of them to just go door to door kicking teeth in to level the playing field, I'm opting for assimilation.
- Most importantly, I want to be able to smile with my teeth showing more often. My current user photo? That was just lucky lighting, they really are darker than my skin. Currently, the kind of smile I crack looks more like the stealth urination face - the one you make when you stand in the sea/public pool and take a piss hoping noone notices. Think back to the last time you did it and make that face (admit it, you've done it, we all know what you're doing when you stop paddling around). Yes, that's the one.
- "Look! In the sky!"
-
- witterson
- April 16th, 2010
Iceland's Eyjafjallajokull volcano (named by a cat walking across a keyboard) erupted, spewing ash thousands of miles into the sky, carried hundreds of miles south over other, better countries by the wind, grounding hundreds of plane flights. The media seemed to fear that Europe had completely forgotten learning what a volcano was when they were eight years of age and might at any moment don Tiki masks, ripping out each others still beating hearts to appease an angry Fire God who lives where Bjork and elves come from.
As a precaution against any such bloodbath, we have been deluged on TV and the internet with documentaries, special news segments, dumbed down diagrams, fact sheets, the history of other volcanos, why filling a plane engine with dust isnt a good idea when flying and every other minutiae of crappy volcano information. Somehow this had the opposite effect on me and only realised today when asked by someone what it looked like yesterday.
I didn't even look up, so I don't know.
- Internet Beta Males, Part 2: The Solution.
-
- witterson
- April 12th, 2010
- Internet Beta Males, or, Why Dumb Bitches Can't See I'm a Nice Guy
-
- witterson
- April 11th, 2010
Nobody likes to be called a "beta male". Its like someone shouting "loser", but then adding "...with a chipolata sized dick" afterwards so you can't even bask in bum-chique on the off chance some girl finds low-lifes edgy and mysterious. As a pop-science term, its more often lisped by girly Mexicans explaining how to stop Fido from dragging his ass across the living room floor than to describe the human pecking order. When actually used to describe people, its one of those words thrown around by "pick-up artists" to describe the losers that didn't man-up, take that first important step and pay $500 for their life-changing course. For those of us too short-sighted to enroll into Fabio Fantastico's "How to Get Laid by Tricking Skanks into Sex", all is not lost.
The number of partners the average Joe is likely to have in his life comes out at around seven. Ask any guy that question while among people he knows and his answer will swell to 30+, which of course contains at least 70% lie. I can count "my number" on two hands and one foot. Given that I was born within 100 miles of a nuclear reprocessing facility, you can give me a few extra or missing digits leeway on that. The point is, you don't have to be angry at the world because you can't fill a stadium with the number of girls you've had a relationship with, and the vast majority of us are not.
Enter, the Internet Beta Male. For purposes of illustration I've used the perfect white knight scene in Back to The Future that's given the bitterly unlucky in love hope and revenge fantasies since 1985.
What? Seanbaby doesn't own that and I recently downloaded comic fonts, ok?
We like to think of the stereotypical rapist as some kind of huge monster, probably black and definately evil. Hell, if we didn't interacial porn stars would be out of business and the KKK would have to stick to their day jobs. Of course, I'm not trying to undersell the asshole tendencies of mouth breathing gang-bangers; as far as treating women like shit goes, they're as good as any whitetrash. But I think you're more likely to wind up bound and gagged in the makeshift sex dungeon of the average nerd than anything that would make Tom Shelly hard.
The Internet Beta Male is angry at the world, but happily goes below radar. Here, however, the whole "beta male" pigeon-hole is largely unspoken of. There are two reasons for this:
- Most of the internet falls into this category.
- The kind of people most likely to call it out are too busy not being on the internet.
Like rabbits (though obviously less successful at breeding) Internet Beta Males are cute, doe eyed creatures until you find thousands of them in one place, crawling over eachother and circlejerking furiously. The perfect example of such a breeding ground is 4chan's /r9k/ board.
For anyone still with a soul and has therefore never been, /r9k/ is basically /b/ if /b/tards were forced to say something original. The result is a tonne of angry virgins screaming about how fucking stupid women are because they can't see how nice they are and choose their boyfriends over them. If you go there right now I'll give 2:1 odds that someone is whining about it right now. All such threads can be summed up simply:- There's this girl I like. She is hot.
- I hang out with her and generally act as a dogsbody for her.
- She has a boyfriend who has never done a computer class, has friends and is therefore an asshole even though I'd steal her from him in a second if I had the courage.
- I bring nothing else to the table except try to worm my way into her life as a friend so I can fuck her.
- She is a stupid fucking whore because she can't see that I'm a super nice guy even though I don't have the balls to ask her out, instead I'm waiting for a time when she's weak then I'll strike.
- Why can't this dumb bitch see I'm a nice guy?
- Here's a picture of her I stole from her facebook.
Instead of pointing out the glaring flaws in this angry future rapemonkey's notion of a "nice guy", these posts are met with agreement that yeah, she MUST be a stupid piece of shit not to like someone like that. We're not talking high school romances here, lots of these people are well into their 20's and 30's.
In part two of this rant, I will explain an effective and appealing method of making that first move that doesn't require a set of balls.
